Our Breastfeeding Journey

I have once read that breastfeeding can be a springboard to good mothering. I never doubted my capacity to fully breastfeed. I have always looked forward to that day that I will nurse my own baby. When I was pregnant I have attended breastfeeding classes and my husband bought me a book, "The Art of Breastfeeding". Being a nurse, I thought I knew enough. I thought I have prepared enough. I thought I am confident enough. When I gave birth, my baby has to remain in the hospital for 10 days for treatment. This means I have to go back everyday to the hospital to breastfeed and express milk at night. That daily routine was not easy after all. Some would say I should be staying at home and rest instead so I will have strength when he comes home. Not only that, because I have flat nipples the nurse had to assist me by dropping milk on my breast so he would latch. I have my own struggles in drawing the nipple out. 

As days go by I have witnessed how my little one find comfort in my breast. Not only because he is being fed, but because he finds security in my arms. I have my fair share of sore nipples, plugged ducts and discomforts, but the rewarding times always outweigh the difficult times. 

My enthusiasm to breastfeed is backed up by facts that my very own produced milk is the ultimate source of nutrients for my baby. The favorable response of my family and spouse is a big factor for me to keep going. A big shout out to my mother for baking lactation cookies. 

It's also good to have a community of breastfeeding mothers in our city.  I have joined thrice already for the yearly gathering. I am also grateful that we have a lactation consultant in our city. Ma'am Adhara Sebuado is my go to person when I need support.

When our second baby came, I am more confident that I can make it through with breastfeeding since I was able to breastfeed my first born until he was three years old. 

Cyan was 9 months when the photo above was taken by hubby. :)

Being a Mom

I always look up to all mothers. To me, they're superheroes and the most selfless human beings on the planet. There is so much meticulous work that only moms can do. Indeed there's none like mom.

I've watched a working mom waking up early to do some chores before leaving for work. I've watched a working mom in a 9-5 shift rushing home after work to cook meals and attend to their children's needs. I've watched a working mom in the middle of a meeting, but her mind is preoccupied with how the children are doing. I've watched a stay-at-home mom with loads of laundry while looking after the children at the same time. I've watched a stay-at-home mom cooking meals and cleaning up all the clutter and mess around the house. It's never easy for both moms. One has to juggle a full-time job and family life. While the other takes full responsibility for being at home.

I've considered myself a career-oriented woman. I grew up competitive. I always make sure that I excel in all the things I do. But at some point in my life, I also asked, do I still want to pursue the career I've always dreamed of or focus on the ultimate calling of motherhood? How can a woman be a full-time homemaker while also working for a living? And a lot more questions keep my mind active even at night.

Then freelancing came into the picture. Though it's a full 360 degrees turnaround from my career path, I believe it will give me opportunities to earn while just staying at home. Was it an easy transition? Definitely, no. Some friends would question my decision because I gave my best in a degree that I cannot take advantage of. I even ask my own choice. Will it be sustainable? What if it won't work for me? Everything is new, and I have no experience at all. I'm glad I gave it a try. I learned and mastered marketable skills in the online space. I have been working as a freelancer before the babies came. My world revolved around graphics, podcast production, social media management, content creation, etc. I love it in the long run because there's more to learn, and opportunities are endless.

But everything shifted when children started coming. I thought I already mastered time management. I thought it's just easy peasy because I'm at home all the time. I thought I knew it all. Nobody warned me that it's hard. They say being a working mom is challenging. But being a stay-at-home working mom is beyond challenging. It's beautiful chaos, though. It's becoming common that my son is present while I'm having client meetings. My client is amused, so it's a significant relief for me that he's just goofing around. Sometimes the mom's guilt creeps in when my son wants to play, but I have some urgent tasks to attend to. I multi-task in ways I never thought were possible. There are days when I'm overwhelmed because stress levels are higher than I've imagined. Days are longer, and burnout is real. Reality bites that these days two heads earning can better secure financial means for the future. Sometimes I wish that I'll be a stage mom and won't be dealing with client work at all.

Here I am now, still freelancing in between mom roles. But I also became wiser as I focused on things that mattered most. I'm struggling but always trying to be present as a mom. While all tasks are important, I took the urgent ones off my plate, and my workflow runs smoothly. After all, the main reason why I chose to freelance is for me to have time freedom. I still manage to rest well despite the chaos in the house. Self-care is on my list. I am not deprived of sleep.

Being a mom is a gift. Though it's challenging to rear children in our time, It's the best role I have ever embarked on. It's sleepless nights when you have a newborn. It's being available for children and witness every milestone. It's telling the same stories over and over again. It's an endless mess during playtime. It's being full of love while being mean at some point. It's being terrified when your child is not feeling well. It's dealing with tantrums for reasons you can't understand. It's waking up each day with cuddles from the growing not-so-little ones. It's being strong even if you want to break down and cry. It's drowning with a never-ending to-do list. It's beaming with happiness with random "I love you." It's the extreme excitement when you're expecting another baby. It's the love that never runs out.

This is who I am. This is what I do. I'm a mom.